I’ve been terrified to share this, because it’s been my best kept secret. But I’m sick, and I’m trying to get better, and I want people to know they are not alone. Please do not judge me for any content on this second account; it’s my safe-zone.
obsessivecompulsivedaniela.tumblr.com
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I’m worn out. I’m tired of being treated like shit. I’m tired of trying so hard, and failing every time. I tired of not being happy. That’s almost the worst. Nothing makes me happy. I can’t even make myself happy. I’m tired of my roommate being able to get into my head. I’m tired of mental illness. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of being ashamed of asking for help from others. I just want someone to hold me, and tell me that this will all work out well.
I’m just tired.
If I wasn’t ugly, a chain reaction would occur, and all of my problems would be solved.
And you can’t convince me otherwise.
I’m sorry, but I’m just really stubborn, and honest.
Have you ever met someone, and you knew that they were meant to be in your life forever?
I have.
I’ve met a few like that. I can count them on both hands.
But it doesn’t make laying in this bed alone any easier.
Nothing is special about the cold side of the bed.
And it doesn’t make each passing day any easier.
Late nights aren’t fulfilled without you there.
Any of you.
And one foot in front of the other is solely for me, and I’m full of
“I hate being alone” and
“I can’t do this without you”.
Nothing is changing and I’m forced to live for myself when I don’t think I’m even deserving of living for myself.
I want to live for you.
All of you.
I want to make your life so much easier so you don’t have to think about things I’ve felt. I want to make each day worth it.
For you.
And all I ask in return is a full bed, with no spot left cold, a nook in your side for me to call home;,complete and total weird honesty.
Oh, and a puppy.
But none of that matters, because I’m going to wake up today, and go to work. I’m going to make money to use on myself; gas, a credit card, and maybe some Starbucks. And you’re going to go about your life without me there.
And in some fourth-dimensional, only a string ties and no matter where we go we’re still linked to each other.
Until some day, you’ll let go.
They always do.
I just want to go to sleep.
I got a lot of hate due to my last Columbine post, that I am not posting much of it for you guys to read. I send my sincerest apologies out to those who were offended by it. No, I don’t think it’s a laughing matter, or a joke, or funny, or cute. I hope none of my followers are mad at me for reblogging what I did, or think any less of me. I deleted the post. I’m just really hurt by a lot of what has been said to me in the past few minutes.I didn’t know you guys had that in you. But, as usual, I deserve it so that’s ok.
I’m really embarrassed, and really mad at myself for what I did.
But I digress. I hope we can just move on from what I’ve done.
It won’t happen again. I promise.
I asked my sister to make me a bracelet with teal, orange, and pink (OCD,Self Injury, EDNOS respectively). I didn’t tell her it was for the bracelet project, I just wanted her to think I asked her to make me one cause I love it when people make them for me. I tried to get some teal, some orange, and some pink in here. I’m going to therapy tomorrow. Here’s to hope for the new day!
And I love my little sister!
So, I changed my thumbnail picture. This is me, with my crazy hair, and I think I took this in my Batmobile! <3
I miss that car so much.
My dad just asked me if its hard being an overweight teen.
After I ate two tacos.
I just want to hurt myself, cause apparently I’m not better than that.
The name is Daniela, and I don't know why my tag list is in the top left corner. I'm 21, and I live in Central New York. Flute player. Piano player. Meteorologist. My heart is in Southwest Florida, Chicago, and on Long Island. I love music, weather, concerts, summer, Styx, and my heart belongs to my favorite guitarist, James 'JY' Young.
